I’m vain – but I’m happy, says the You reader

I have been severely fine-tuning my diet but my hair keeps falling out. Is there any wonder that ageing is such a problem? And why don’t people look too thin? – Dyke You may…

I'm vain – but I'm happy, says the You reader

I have been severely fine-tuning my diet but my hair keeps falling out. Is there any wonder that ageing is such a problem? And why don’t people look too thin? – Dyke

You may be known as the You reader but now we know your real name and age as well as how you look. Now if you tell us you are just 26, we’ll all know you are lying. In your case, we get the picture. It’s not that you have not got enough exercise, that you have not been playing up to your hectic media schedule, that you have not been lying around on TV constantly, or that the terrible peroxide overload you got when you were young is still affecting you. Your hair, now thinning, is just gorgeous. Too bad it is so poor on top.

You’ve only got it half right. You’ve been ill, you’ve been overworking. And there is one obvious reason that your hair is thinning: the diet, and dieting specifically, won’t work. You can’t get women to like you and you can’t change who you are on the inside – so stop trying. Most women hate thin hair (although not everyone would say so) and only if you switch your diet from meat to spices or beans or broccoli or whatever (which you can do) can you look that thin, which is not very good if you’re trying to fit in.

You’re also not getting any facial work done. That is absolutely a real sign of a lack of self-belief. Use your money on makeup if you want to look the part. You can’t put lipstick on a fob watch face.

• For five more hard-to-look-at pictures of celebrities ageing well, visit marieclaire.com/style. To order A Life and Death of Dyke: How it’s Unseen Get £19 from youbookshop.co.uk (p&p free if p&p is paid).

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